The post I've been putting off for too long - tattoos

I wasn't sure how I wanted to go about this, but I have decided to share my designing phase with you.  Behold, I want 3 tattoos:

The logo for Kubota here on my left foot

Still mostly visible in heels

And then 2 acorns, one on the second toe on my left foot and the other close to my small toes on my right foot.

Not sure of exact positioning on toe.  Maybe closer to the nail.

Now, I know that I'm often a fountain of information in most of my posts, but I would rather keep their meanings rather hush hush at the moment.  Just know that, yes, they do hold special reasoning in my heart and honestly, one of them has an added bonus of being hilarious.  I had been wanting a tattoo for awhile, but I couldn't decide on what I wanted and then due to some serious down time at work, I had somewhat of an epiphany.  Anyway, just throwing that out there.  Just keeping you in touch with the life and times of Tabitha.

My Unhealth Adventures

Thursday morning, I woke up, showered, and went to work.  Knowing I had a sleep study to attend that night (checking for sleep apnea), I read about how to prepare for it.  I was requested to shower "right before" coming in.  I got off work, showered, did a couple of other things, then headed out to my sleep study at 9 (had to report there by 9:30). 

I had been to the place before, and only saw about 2 or 3 beds.  To my surprise, I was instructed (by a very boisterous sign) to have a seat and wait for someone to come get me.  After being the last name called, I entered this Alice in Wondersleepland place and was put in about the 10th "bedroom" I saw.  I was hooked up with wires in my hair, on my face, in my nose, and even a couple on my legs that had to be fed through my shirt and shorts. 

We then tried out a couple of CPAP masks to pick the one that worked best for me, if I showed enough signs to need it by 2am.  Those things are terrifying at first, btw.  Totally took my breath away about the first 5 times.  And the ones that only cover your nose allow air to escape from your mouth when the machine is on, making it very hard to talk.  I had problems getting one single word out.  Very trippy. 

Anyway, she set those aside, shoved a set of tubes up my nose in addition to the wires already up there and then I'm left to relax and sleep. 




"Relaxed" and ready to sleep.




Excuse my fat, but I was pretty stoked that I decided to go ahead and shave my legs right before heading out!  They were checking for restless leg syndrome/night kicking.

 I'm a sleep roller.  If number of sleep turns were an Olympic maneuver, I'd get the gold for my quintuple lux, if we were to put a label on it.  I started on my back, rolled to my left side, attempted to go to stomach, but to no avail.  More sleep-inducing comfort.

Somehow, someway (Actually, just as I had predicted) I fell asleep.  I was additionally told that I fell asleep very quickly.  What a strange compliment, but I took it.  I woke up a couple of times to change positions or adjust my blanket coverage. 

At about 2am, my sleep technician (sandwoman?) came in the room and flipped the light on.  I asked if I met the criteria and was greeted with a nearly sadistic-sounding, "Oh yeah!"  We try on a nose-only CPAP mask.  I try for 5-10 minutes to fall asleep with it on, but it hurts my teeth.  It also took a few minutes to make sure it was set up correctly before I even tried to sleep...overall, it wasn't a good fit for me.  After air-speaking my technician's name 3 times (it sounded like half air/half talking and I couldn't speak any louder or more than one word), she came into my room and we swapped out for a full face mask (nose and mouth both covered).  After I got that bad boy on, I fell asleep rather quickly and don't think I woke up once.  In fact, the sleep technician said she came in the room at one point to adjust the mask and I didn't remember that at all!  Kinda freaked me out, really.  Someone was literally messing with my face and I didn't wake up.  *eeby jeebies*

I get booted at 6am (after detaching me and leaving glue/tape residue all over me) and head home.  I thought I would get a nap in before having to be at another dr appointment at 9am, but I wasn't able to.  And I had to shower for the 3rd time in 24 hours.

The 9am appointment is funny because I didn't even know what it was for before getting there.  And apparently still didn't know after reading what the doctor specialized in (I thought "endocrinology" meant something else...didn't figure out I was wrong until a few days later...thanks Mom...).  I don't think I made myself out to be too much of an idiot, but you never know, right?  Here, I learned that I am still in the running for having a syndrome that I thought another test ruled out.  We'll do a different kind of test to find out.  Awesome!  It was also here that Doctor played my favorite game "Let's look at you and say all the bad things we see!"  It turns out that I am a "big girl" (say that in an Indian <dot, not feather> accent) and I have bad acne.  How much did I pay you again?  Anyway, now I'm supposed to tell her how I'm going to lose weight.  Like, the exact plan.  Lady, if I were that exact of a planner, don't you think I wouldn't have gotten this big?  I said generic stuff and left feeling pretty down on myself.

The next day (Saturday) I decide to mow the backyard at like 1pm because I'm a moron.  Didn't realize we were scheduled for 100+ temperatures that day.  Actually, I think I didn't look because I knew it just had to be done.  The dogs were starting to have a hard time walking around.  My cell phone rings at about 1:15 and it's an idiot and wouldn't let me answer it.  This isn't the first time, nor I assume the last time that it teases me with phone calls.  I can see who is calling, but it won't let me use the touchscreen to answer it.  And the screen is the only way to answer.  I listen to the voicemail and it's the sleep study doc.  He leaves the office number to call back, but he had called on a different number.  I try to call both back, but to no avail.

On Tuesday (today), I am in the shower at 7:30am and my phone rings.  Obviously couldn't answer it.  A few minutes later, I hear my husband up.  Apparently, doc couldn't reach me so he called my husband...at 7:45am.  The morning after a holiday weekend.  By the way, I was planning on calling after I got to work...at 8:30am.  He tells my husband to have me call him after 1pm today.  At 10am, my work phone rings and flashes the number I know all-too-well at this point.  I pick it up and am greeted by a different doctor.  He somewhat fumbles around, mentioned that he "wanted to tell me the news by phone" and finally got to the point:  I have severe sleep apnea.  I stopped breathing over 120 times per hour.  The good news was that the CPAP mask returned my sleep to "normal," not just decreased my symptoms.  My doctor from Friday 9am had told me that weight loss gets rid of sleep apnea, so I asked this doctor if that was true.  He said not for my severity of sleep apnea.  The CPAP mask people will be contacting me soon.  I will need a machine to sleep presumably for the rest of my life.

I have so many conflicting thoughts over this.  I am relieved to have finally found something unusual about me.  A possible source of my constant tiredness.  A possible solution to what I was convinced was laziness, yet couldn't shake it.  That makes me excited to try it.  On the other hand, I detest the idea of requiring a machine in order to sleep.  Literally burst into tears when I think about it.  My husband is very very VERY supportive about all of this, but I can't help but feel like less of a woman for having to wear a Darth Vader-like mask to bed.  I've thought about how terrifying it would be to be falling to Sandmanland and in blinking one last time seeing this plastic monster next to you...and it's your wife.  But as I've been told, it's got to beat my snoring.  And this is Jon's view on it:  he just wants me to feel better.  I know it will help, and I know I will do it, but I just want to get it in the rearview mirror of life.  Yes, I will wear a mask to sleep and yes, I will sleep fantastic.  Let's just get this over with.

Feel good music

I've gone through quite a transition with my music selections over the years.  It started out with whatever my brother listened to, so I could be like him.  Then, I went alternative rock...the darker the better (this may have been still following my brother's footsteps...don't really remember).  Then I went only Christian.  Smooth transition...ha... Anyway, after that (AKA now), I'm pretty open to any (although I don't really listen to Christian music anymore...and like 10 songs EVER of country).  All that to say that I may be shifting again to "feel good" music.  Positive or "no point" music is speaking to my soul.  I recently bought some headphones for work and they came with a "free $10 worth of downloaded songs" card, so I've been making a list of songs I want.  So far:

White Stripes "7 Nation Army"
Black Keys "Howlin' For You"
Black Keys "Gold on the Ceiling"
Katy Perry "Wide Awake"
Kelly Clarkson "Stronger"
AWOLnation "Sail"
Train "Hey Soul Sister"
Carly Rae Jepsen "Call Me Maybe"
Taio Cruz "Dynamite"

I'm pretty famous within my small circle of closest friends for making the most random mixes for CDs.  I did one once with Moby, America, Weezer, etc.  I think it freaks most listeners out, but they're all songs I like, so it makes sense to me!

Even with this variety, my husband has expanded my tastes even further...don't tell him, but I kinda like some Jason Mraz songs.  And They Might Be Giants is so silly they're fun.


And then my BFFs at Think Geek came up with this!

 Then there's Low Strung that does beautiful acoustic covers of famous songs using only cellos.  It's so rich and deep sounding.  It makes my inner band nerd squeal with glee.  Further ecclecticity.  I would ask if I'm normal, but seeing as I don't really have a big audience, that seems silly.  And it would make me sad if I asked and no one answered, you know?

So, with that, I'm gonna go listen to more feel good music.  Sorry if I work with you and you hear me singing.  ;-)

Open Carry/Abortion/Voting

I'm sure I have your attention now...controversy!  Yay!  I don't really like controversy, but I do like to have an opinion on things and I was raised to share - what can I say...so, right into it, shall we dive?:

*splash*

How will open carry law make guns more accessible? The latter part of that sentence seems to be an argument of people against open carry.  (BTW, we need catchy nicknames for both sides of this debate...)  If you're a criminal and you want a gun, you have one.  If you're a crazy and you want a gun, you have one. If you're a normal person who wants a gun for protection only, you have one.  It seems to me the only difference with open carry is that the "cards are on the table," if you so desire, but you can still conceal if you wish.

As I was writing this, I realized how similar this issue is to abortion.  Many Pro-Choicers say that a choice doesn't mean a decision.  Just because they want the option of an abortion, doesn't mean they will abort if they get pregnant.  Isn't this kind of the same logic as the open carry law?  Just because people have a choice to open carry, doesn't mean they will. 

You can even extend this into voting.  Every citizen of the US has the right to vote (except for felons and the like, as someone just pointed out to me)...but do they?  Of course not.  After a quick glance over some sites my ol' bud Google suggested, it doesn't seem federal voter participation has ever been over 70% (Tops out at 60-something, actually).  And lately it's been around 50%.  AND we're talking federal...state and local numbers are even more dismal.

Generally speaking, more Republicans/Conservatives favor open carry laws, more Democrats/Liberals favor Pro-Choice, and yet both support voting (duh).  Can each side just concede the logic in these small statements?  Just these statements, not the issues at hand...there are way more points to these issues that I clearly didn't bring up...and that was on purpose.  I'm just asking that you don't try to refute an issue with illogic.  Open carry will not make guns more readily available.  Pro-Choice does not mean you will abort all pregnancies.  And just because you have the right to vote, doesn't mean you will.

Stories

When I read other blogs, I like to read stories.  Honest, genuine glimpses into life as viewed by another.  I want to write more stories like that, but I feel like I have a few monumental posts, and a lot of tidbit posts that I feel are sloppy.  I don't want that.  I just finished reading a blog of someone I don't know and my face hurts from smiling the whole time.  I almost teared up at the heartfelt account of a loving moment in her life.  I want a stranger to be able to do that with my blog.  I don't want my friends to read it just to make sure they aren't missing something important in my life, I want to be inspirational. 

Inspirational to whom, you may ask (or maybe that's just me asking)...I don't know what word to use.  -Normal people?  What is normal, though?  -Everybody?  I really doubt a kid with gun in hand is gonna put it down after seeing pictures of flowers at my house. 

Perhaps my target audience is the mind-made-up person.  Is that stupid?  Is that too broad?  Is it too much to ask the wife that loves her husband to fall in love with him all over again by loving his faults as much as his accomplishments?  Is it too much to ask the person who loathes grammar to learn the difference between there/their/they're so their job application makes clear that they're looking for their next job at the company over there?  (By the way, if you loathe grammar, you should probably tread lightly around me...ha)  Is it too much to ask that you see my plants around the house and realize you could also do them? 

I want to blog about change and settlement because I feel that is what life is about.  Life is constantly changing and so are people.  Yet we as people are not built to change everything in the world every single day, so life is also about feeling settled.  These are the 2 things that govern my life, and I know I'm not the only one.  I guess I aspire to be the beacon of light to show some soul(s) what they are searching for, if the shoe fits.

Too much?  Too weird?  Now I'm feeling all awkward and stuff saying that I basically want to be a role model.  Who says stuff like that?  I guess this weirdo right here.

Snoring

Further solidifying my spot in utter weirdness, I like the sound of snoring.  It's soothing.  Just like the sound of trains (I lived one block away from the tracks growing up, so it was embrace it or go insane.) for me.  Further introduction to my sleeping habits: I cannot sleep in utter silence.  It is maddening to me.  I usually sleep with at least one fan on and as many as 3.  With that being said, I feel somewhat honored when I hear snoring.  To me it signifies a deep trust.  You wouldn't sleep around your enemies.  You wouldn't even take a moment to "rest your eyes" knowing the office snitch could stumble by at any time.  But, when you're at home/with those you trust, there are no emotional walls.  You are at your most vulnerable.  And that's why I like snoring.  To be trusted with someone's vulnerability for hours on end is quite a responsibility.  Now I feel silly for writing this, but I really feel this way, so I'm leaving it.

Imperfection

I hate that I continually fail at life, but all I can do is keep trying.  I often re-evaluate my life and see what changes need to happen.  That part is easy.  The actual change is the hard part.  I got a strange motivation that I wasn't looking for this morning at work.  On an evaluation, a trainer asked his class, "What will you do with the time you have been given?"  Most evaluation responses are job focused and rather short, so the sheer length of this one in particular caught my eye.  Then I read it: "I will help others, be the best husband and father I can be, and also have faith in my Lord.  I will learn from my struggles and others, and I will encourage myself and others to pray every day.  Learning my purpose is still ongoing, but I'm willing to take this time I have and listen, understand, and help."  I'm not the only person in the world that keeps failing and having to regroup.  Thank goodness.  I was so wrapped up in failing that I forgot what the "solution" would be - perfection.  If only I never screwed up again...that would be cool.  I needed a reminder today that I'm just human - wasn't sure if anybody else needed that reminder, too, so here it is, just in case.

Setting smaller, more attainable goals is my new goal.

What Christmas means to me

There's a lot to not like about Christmas.  The rushing around buying presents.  The expensive travel plans.  The worry of how to make up time lost at your job (if you aren't paid for holidays...and some people aren't).  Planning the perfect menu.  TRAFFIC.

However, there's a lot to like about Christmas.  Most jobs are closed for the holiday.  You get to see friends and family you haven't seen in awhile.  The food.  (<---See what I did there?  I just dropped the verb all together to make the food the only part of the sentence.  It's poor sentence structure, but a very accurate portrayal of my feelings for food.)  Seeing the face of someone as they open the present you picked out for them.  All of these are really great, but none of these is my favorite part of Christmas. 

This may sound crazy, but my favorite part is the silence.  The silence after the hustle and bustle of the holiday activities.  The part where you get home and just sit in front of your Christmas tree and realize what all God has given you.  This majestic part of Christmas is pretty much why I set our tree up.  I can't believe all that has been given to me this year. 

Upon my Christmas tree, there are some ornate, some dignified, and some tacky ornaments from years past...and I remember them all.  Well, not my husband's, but I can imagine how elegant the 1983 train must have looked on the Christmas tree every year.  I can imagine his mother's joy upon seeing the toy horse adorning the tree each year as Jon's toys got more and more complex and the "toy horses" of his childhood were now abandoned.  How can I imagine this?  Well, I have one heck of an imagination, but also, I have my block-elf that I made in 3rd grade on the tree.  There's also the ornament that my aunt made and wrote my name and year on it in 1989.  Also up there are faded ornaments that I don't remember not being on our Christmas tree every year, but I imagine they began on Christmas trees decades ago when my mom was a child.  The angel at the top took me 30 minutes to pick out 4 years ago and I had to super glue the wings back on after I couldn't find my hot glue gun this year.  There are 3 presents under the tree.  Two are not real.  Our Christmas tree is only up because Jon and I have a house now.

I ungracefully taped all of the cards we received this year up on the wall in the den so I could visually see everyone that took the time to give us one.  One is from a parent at work who decided to give a card and small gift to the lessons coordinator.  One has a stick pony drawn in, as I requested a pony for Christmas.  One is so peculiar that it reminds me of its sender's craziness.  And many are from family and friends that include pictures that remind me of how much everyone has grown over the years.  Any other decorations are ideas from Pinterest, bought this year, or a gift to me.

After taking in all of this, it dawns on me that all of these are gifts from God.  Any gifts you received this year - they came because God created someone that loves you.  Or at least someone that loves Him enough that they want to materialistally show you His love for you.  He was born on this day specifically to die for your sins - just because HE LOVES YOU.

I was originally planning to close this out more elegantly, but the truth of the matter is that another day of fun and craziness awaits us, so I must go.  But when I say the old stand by, please understand where I am coming from on it and know that I wish the deepest joy for everyone:

Merry Christmas.



Short Thanksgiving Day rant

It really spoils my milk that Christmas has steamrolled Thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving is such a low-key, family-centered holiday that focuses on being thankful for what you have and being together.  Now, while Christmas is supposed to be about being grateful and thankful for Jesus (celebrating his birth, after all...), it seems to be more focused on stuff.  And I hate that.  Stuff can come and go, but people, thoughts, and memories will last forever.  Stuff will not.  Or maybe some stuff will, but that is probably because it is radioactive.  Well, actually those have half-lives and the such, so they may not last forever, but they will seem to.  And they make horrible gifts.  So, Christmas needs to take a seat in the back and wait its turn like all the other holidays.

Short rant over.

I hope Thanksgiving was delightful for everyone!

Earthquakes - for posterity's sake

11/5/11 - 2 earthquakes in 1 day. The first one is the first one I ever felt (4.7). The second one was the first one to terrify me (5.6).

It was MMYT's birthday and about 2:15 in the morning. Jon got off work really late (1 in the morning) and we decided to eat and then call it a night.
Alright, here is where I am torn...the truth is actually really really funny, yet TOTALLY not polite to say...so....I will use a faint enough phrase to where you "get it," but it's not grotesque...okay? Cool.

Jon and I watched a little TV and decided to ... be married (Reminder: We ARE married, adults, and young...). He went to the other side of the bedroom to check something and all of a sudden I hear the house shaking like sub woofers are cranked somewhere, yet we don't hear any noise, other than the house moving. This lasted a mere 3-5 seconds and I didn't feel it from bed, I only heard it. Jon said that he could feel the floor moving. We shrugged and decided to ... stay married...hahahahaha  (I'm sorry if this offended anybody...I just think it's soooo funny and such impeccable timing!) Only after later getting on Facebook did I realize it was an earthquake. It, for some reason, never crossed my mind. So then we went to sleep.

...

Jon made plans to do 2 different jobs today (Still 11/5) and left fairly early in the day for the first one. Our landlord came over in the morning and then my mom and grandma stopped by in the afternoon. Jon came home from job #1 around 5/5:30 or so and hurried to get ready for job #2. I went with him so I could have the car for a few errands. After food and my errands, I came home and decided to take on a major task at home. I completed that (hours later) and sent a text to Jon at 10:50 to see if he was going to be done at work soon. Less than a minute later (I literally just double-checked my timestamps on both the text & phone call...) - if that - those "subs" came back while my dogs and I were in the breakfast nook. This time it started slow - pretty much the same intensity as the previous one - but then it gradually increased to more violent. I could see the laundry room door and its frame hitting each other. This caused the dogs to start barking. So I gather them up beside me and we squat in the breakfast nook while I considered what to do during an earthquake. Turns out, I had no idea. I had heard to get in doorways, but I thought that had been since renounced. I thought about running outside so nothing could fall on us, but I would have to put their leashes on, unlock doors, etc. So we were just there. At least this time I knew exactly what it was, but that didn't seem to help anything. The shaking must have lasted anywhere from 10 seconds to just under a minute. It felt like forever to me - I just kept hoping it would stop. When it finally did, I was an emotional mess. I called Jon to ask if he felt it, to which he replied that it wasn't over yet for him. I went hysterical on the phone to Jon, then called my mom to get her story. (FB already told me that people in her town felt it, along with several other towns across the state and even other states.)  After getting off the phone, I sat in our glider chair, terrified of aftershocks. I also thought about how as of yesterday, I had never felt an earthquake and now today, I felt 2.  In the same day.  In OKLAHOMA. This spun me off into "end time" thoughts, which have always terrified me.  I finally decided that I couldn't stand just waiting around for them and decided to load up the dogs and go wait for Jon in the college parking lot. You know, a big, wide open space. Through some miscommunication, I didn't actually wait in the parking lot because Jon got a ride home. So, we went home, ate, and went to sleep. Around 2am, I believe I felt an after shock and gently woke Jon up to confirm. It was almost soothing and didn't last very long - like the first one. I still keep trying to see if that was an official aftershock.

So, there you have it. Documented for eternity. And so help me if another one comes today.....

Train called LIFE

At the beginning of this month, my husband of 2 years (!) and I started moving into a house.  Our oldest puppy turned 4.5 yesterday (Adopted at age 1). Our youngest puppy is 3 today (Adopted at age 4 months).  Tomorrow, my brother becomes a husband, a head of household, and the leader of his own family.  My husband and I are getting dangerously close to 30 years old. 

I guess this train called LIFE means business - charging full speed, right on down the tracks.  I don't think you can bail, so I guess I'll just sit down, buckle up, and try not to need a sleeper car.  I wonder where the train is going?  I hope they're serving breakfast...I'm hungry.

Another normal 9/11 post...sort of

First off, I am supposed to be doing chores, including an internet-based one, but I'm just not diggin' my chore list today.  I killed it yesterday.  But, in not doing my chores, I stopped in on Blogger to see what was shakin'.  Not within my immediate friends, but the friends of one of my friends were all doing 9/11 posts.  10 years is quite a milestone.  I can't believe it has been that long (It seriously only feels like 5 years ago).  Most of the posts or news articles are focused around "Where were you?" due to the flashbulb memories it created.  I don't know if I'm shallow or if maybe some other posts are exaggerated, but I don't remember a lot about that day in particular.  All I truly remember is Mrs. Johnson bursting into class (2nd hr, I believe) and saying that the Pentagon is on fire.  And then we all went into Mrs. Imhoff's room and watched a TV on a rolling cart about it.  I don't remember if we stayed in there longer than 2nd hour.  I don't remember if we all went home early.  I don't remember if I cried.  Heck, I don't even remember when I tuned into the news (I believe it was after all the planes had crashed, but I don't know how long after).  I think I remember feeling numb.  I had too many thoughts in my head to pull one down and think about it logically.  I wanted to go home, go to bed, wake up tomorrow, and realize that none of it had happened.  Also, if I am remembering correctly, I think I purposely avoided the news for the next few days.  A few years earlier, there was a school shooting at my school system (although it happened at the middle school, and I was in high school at the time).  I clearly remember arriving at school, going up to the band room and then learning that we were under lockdown with little other details.  I remember leaving school early and I watched ALL of the news about it.  I was obsessed and terrified.  All of this was, of course, years after the OKC bombing, which I remember NOTHING about.  I don't even remember what grade I was in.

I think it is good to stop and reflect on these events, but I think it is okay to move on, too.  And please, don't jump down my throat about this.  I just don't think it's healthy to focus on any of these horrid events for the rest of our lives.  And I am mainly directing this at those who were not directly affected.  If you lost your mom, your brother, or your wife - that's a different story.  There is a whole different timeline for that kind of loss.  But for those of us who lost our sense of security, had our dignity stripped from us, and crashed into a vast space of emptiness, despair, and helplessness - I think 10 years is enough to learn from that day.  You will always have your memories (or lack thereof, like me...), and you'll probably never be able to remove the significance of the phrase "Nine Eleven" from your mind, but we need to move forward.  The United States of America is not a bulletproof tank.  Well, maybe it is, but bulletproof tanks don't function in quicksand, water, or without track on their wheels.  That is precisely what 9/11 reminded everyone.  I love the patriotism we all showed in its quake, but for the most part, I think that is gone, too, now.  And you know what, I think that is normal and -dare I say- okay.  People can't sit around the campfire holding hands every night and still make it to work by 8am the next morning to file accounting paperwork.  You can't ask every person you see, "How are you?", then listen to their honest responses every day - you wouldn't have enough time left in your day to go turn wrenches at the dealership.  Our lives, bodies, and souls are geared for normalcy.  While we all feel very warm and fuzzy about honoring the victims, sometimes you have to wonder if it is too much. 

I am not trying to turn this into a post about me, but I am the only person whose thoughts I possess (Go figure!).  When I die, I don't think I want to be mourned every year.  I don't want to be forgotten all together, but let your fond and/or mundane memories of me speckle your thoughts for as long as you can remember.  Don't bemoan that I've missed another birthday - think about all the ones we had together.  And please, PLEASE don't burn my death date into your memory - I think this is the worst thing a person could do after someone close dies.  Who wants to dread the same time, day, and month every year?  Let them be a new day every year.  Maybe, just maybe, they can be a normal day.  And most importantly, maybe you can not feel guilty about that.  I won't be offended.  ;^)

Suffrage

Today is Election Day and also "Day of the Dead" as observed in Mexico. Probably not a coincidence. I digress... This "right" began as a fight for anyone that was not a wealthy white male landowner and was a major victory in U.S. history. However, I think our forefathers would shed a tear or two at what their victory has been morphed into. I don't think our forefathers meant for elections to take quite the mudslinging turn that it did (No, they weren't innocent back then, but nowadays is 20 times worse). They would probably roll over in their graves if they knew that "straight ticket" was an option on ballots. And they would probably die all over again to hear that many (I won't say "most" because I don't really know the numbers...) of our voters haven't researched their votes at all. How many people have you heard say, "Then there was this section about if sew-n-sew should retain his seat as county judge...I voted that he should because I haven't heard anything bad about him..."? I'm guilty of this as well. I also hate how "Educated non-voter" is not a choice. If you don't vote, you are the devil. If you vote, you did your civic service, even if you have no idea who or what you voted for. If you wear your "I voted" sticker, you get applauded everywhere you go. Why? You don't know me. I may have just closed my eyes on the ballot or just voted for the same people my parents or friends told me to. It's not just elections that irk me, it's politics in general. Very rarely is there a candidate that has the same exact stance on issues as you do, yet you always have to vote. Most of the time people are voting for "the lesser evil". Really? If that is the drive behind your vote, why don't you just sleep in on election day? If evil is evil is evil, then how can you feel good about yourself for voting for ANY type of evil? The 2 Party system is so narrow-minded. There are too many issues out there to evenly split into 2 groups. Now, most issues are pretty easily split - Abortion (Pro-choice or Pro-life), Gay Marriage (Against or For), Universal Healthcare (Against or For), etc. But then you get grey areas on some...if abortion was completely outlawed, could you look a rape victim or a victim of incest in the eyes and tell her that by law she must carry her rapist's child for 9 months? Or how do you tell a Native American with free healthcare that their own tribe pays for with their own money that they will now have to pay the "white man" and go to other doctors now? I think these grey areas should convey a need for more than 2 parties in the U.S. They RARELY are black-and-white, clear-as-day, cut-and-dry issues with no middle ground. It's just life. I think we need a better representation of life in our political skeleton.

Now, to clear up any assumptions you may have just made about me, I DID actually get out and vote today. UNEDUCATED. That's right, I voted straight ticket for my party when I could. I kept all the sew-n-sews in the positions. I voted for the propositions based upon someone else's research (Well, except for one of the questions) and I winged the county question because I didn't even know there was going to be one. And guess what...I actually feel fairly badly about it. I wish I wouldn't have even voted. Don't worry, I will NOT do this ever again. I will either educate myself or not vote. But hey, everyone that sees me today will compliment me on my "I voted" sticker because I did the "right" thing. Right?

-Mrs. Kreilaus

Oh, timing...

So, I'm sure all of you remember the post from yesterday about the new credit card in the family. No? Well, scroll down and read it...okay, so, turns out that today Jon and I decide to take a trip to Wal-Mart to buy some essentials. He goes out to start the car cooling down before we leave...I look out the window and see him get out of the car and pop the hood.......CRAP. I hoped, "Maybe it started, but he's just trying to hunt down a noise it's making.".....NOPE. It's not starting. He tests the battery output and it seems fine. That leaves the alternator. He tries the alternator output. It seems fine. Now we're slightly stumped. We get a jump from his mom's car and we're up and running. Somewhere in there Jon mentions something about a "bad cell" in the battery and is pretty sure that's what it is. We head to O'Reilly's and we determine that Jon is right...bad cell(s). He also explains to me what this means, but I'm not going to attempt to explain on here, lest I most likely look like a fool. They give us a jump and we are off to Wal-Mart in Bixby for a new battery (hopefully under warranty). We get to Wal-Mart and they have to test it again, and they confirm what we just learned at O'Reilly's. We go inside to shop and assume they are looking up our warranty info and putting a new battery in. About 2 or 3 items from the end of our shopping list, Wal-Mart calls Jon's cell...they don't have the battery in stock. We'll have to go to another Wal-Mart and have them put it in. After another jump, we go to another Wal-Mart (the one near the old apartment....where we had initially purchased the bad cell battery....) and we (after a slow start waiting in a line...) get the new battery put in in about 15 minutes or so and are on our happy way. We still had to pay "prorate" on the battery since it was still a little over true warranty, but it wasn't as bad as paying full out.


Either way, it would not have been possible without the help of our special new plastic friend and, honestly, would have been a disaster if we discovered this little situation tomorrow morning while we tried to leave for work/school. If you want to get kinda crazy about labeling it, this was kinda like a little miracle. Realistically, we could have done without the whole ruckus altogether, but it is amazing how it worked itself out so beautifully.


Okay, Phaux tells me it is time to end my blogging weekend and get to "lights out" time. Goodnight!




-Mrs. Kreilaus

WOW.

So, my head is about to explode. Today, I just got my first use-anywhere credit card in the mail. I've had store credit cards, but they don't seem the same to me. I feel like I well-researched all of our options and chose the relatively best choice (We chose Discover because of the numbers, but I know that Discover is not accepted everywhere...). This came about after a recent event where we learned that we NEED a credit card for emergency situations. (I've always thought it was incredibly rude of vets to have a "pay all, right now" policy, seeing as they are in the life-and-death business...) I was raised with a "cash only" mentality and interest charges upset me greatly. However, I see that sometimes things need to purchased right away. And if you don't have the money hulled up somewhere, you need to get if from somewhere.


This also kinda ties in with a new school of thought I had: So many of my friends are getting married and having babies and I've had to tell nearly all of them that I couldn't join in ceremonies, bridal showers, baby showers, etc. because of a tight money situation. I recently had the realization that I've been saying this for years and if I don't start doing something about it, I will be visiting friends I knew as single and sailor-mouthed who now have 6 children and won't say the word "butt" in front of the children. This is NOT okay! I only have this one life to live and enjoy! Not to say I'm going to go buy my dream car and travel the world tomorrow (especially on my credit limit...hahahaha), but maybe my first airplane ride is due... Maybe I'll go to my friend's baby shower so I can say that I saw her pregnant. Maybe I'll babysit my best friend's baby and let her and husband go celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary. Maybe my husband and I will celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary in a different city.


I found out a few more of my friends are pregnant...one of which I just found out today and am really excited for her because she didn't think she could even have kids! I'd elaborate more, but I don't think it's fully public domain yet (even though I found out through Facebook...ha).


Today is my mother-in-law's birthday and just so happens to be the day we got our marriage license last year. I knew our anniversary was coming up, but now it's less than 10 days away! I'm starting to remember what these days felt like last year and I kinda feel butterfly-ey again. Aww...and now I just remember getting Brent and Lyndsey's wedding license with them...that's fun!


Oh, and for anyone who didn't know and wants to, I guess we had some dog excitement a week and a half ago. Walker (my parents-in-law's dog) and Lyka got into a teeth match and Lyka lost. She had a few holes in her from teeth and we took her to the vet just to make sure of how to patch her up, or if we even needed to. She got all her owies shaved (they had to FULLY SEDATE her...we were a little miffed about that...not sure how they came to that conclusion) and told us to take our drunk dog home (she was still WAY out of it when we took her home) and Lyka would heal herself up the best. Thanks. So glad we paid you to shave our dog and tell us that Lyka is the master of her own fate. At least they gave us antibiotic and powerful painkillers for her. They probably could have warned us that waking up out of anethesia is one hell of a trip, though. Maybe I would have been prepared to wake up every 15-30 minutes from 2am - 6am that night. With all of this said, I've NEVER found a vet that I like and I've pretty much just accepted this, but if anyone actually has a vet they like, please let me know. Well, if you live near me. A good vet in California is pretty useless to me. :^) Thanks!

This is how Lyka looks right now and Phaux demostrating how she's supposed to look. (Okay, really he's just jealous about the attention she was getting, so I took a picture of him, too.):




And there was a true blue update on the Kreilauses!


-Mrs. Kreilaus

Looking back, straight ahead, and toward the future

I miss you.
I miss all of our inside jokes and how we finished each other's sentences, but you never cared as much for our friendship as I did. I miss just being around you and seeing how you lived your life. At least I knew you; most kids don't get that much. I miss the adventures we would have together and how crazy they seemed. In the end, it was too much crazy and I couldn't handle it anymore. I miss playing video games with you until the wee hours of the morning and taking so many pictures together. I don't miss our arguments and how they never got settled. I miss being the one person that understood you the best, which is why you tried to hide from me. I eventually grew tired of hide-and-seek. I miss hanging out at your house and being silly. It really saddened me to not be invited to your wedding, but you'll probably never know that. I miss snaps with the four of us. I miss our hall from that year. I miss the tolerance I used to have. I miss my crazy life when I didn't believe my own stories coming out of my mouth. I miss you and your colorful sayings. Every time I say one, I think of you. I miss hanging out with you guys...I wish I had more time and thought about you more. I miss you and your intelligence, wit, and outlook on life. We need to talk more. I miss you probably most of all, but I know it's better you live elsewhere now. I miss you, pets of my past. I loved you all.


I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that my degree is in a different field than yours and I still know a heckuva lot about yours. I never said I was better than you, though. I'm sorry that I'm not around as much as I used to be. Some things have changed and I can't change them back. And I don't want to. I'm sorry that our lives even crossed paths. Things would have been so much more filled with joy and simplicity if they hadn't. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you had your baby. I really wish I could have been. I'm sorry I wasn't called to be a missionary. I'm sorry I went through multiple church splits and I haven't gotten my courage up to jump into another one, just to crash into the same fate. Maybe we could still be friends if I did. I'm sorry my husband and I are not on the same course as you and your spouse, but I don't see why that means we can't be close. I'm sorry that I don't believe in gay marriage; people who do seem to catch no slack for their beliefs--I don't understand why I catch it for my beliefs. I'm sorry you had cancer, but I don't think that gives you the right to be a jerk to everyone now. I'm sorry that I don't do things the way you do. I'm sorry I didn't go on to get my master's degree, but I lost my way and didn't know where to go from there (still don't). I had also had too much school and needed a huge break. I'm sorry about our lost friendship. I know we could have been best friends under different circumstances. I'm sorry I ended our friendship, but I saw the path it was taking and I didn't want to end up on that dead end.


Thank you.
Thank you to my dogs for always be so excited to see me and love me unconditionally. Thank you to Jon and I's parents for always being there for us and helping us out. Thank you siblings, for helping shape us into who we are today. Thank you to everyone who came to our wedding to show your support for us (or even if you came for free food...)...that meant the world to us. Thank you, extended family, for being the limbs in our family trees showing variety and originality. Thank you for my job. Without it, I would be in a world of hurt. Thank you, Facebook. Through the snooping and stalking, you keep my mind sharp and always wishing to push further. Thank you, Jon. We're not the greatest couple to walk the earth, but I know you will never give up on me and I will never give up on you. I love you for all the big things, medium-sized things, little things, and things you did when you didn't know anyone was watching. You are one of few constants in my life.

-Mrs. Kreilaus

Recent Life

As usual, it's been awhile. I had some time on my hands and after seeing the last post was in April, I figured enough small events have passed that I can update. My friend Lyndsey had her baby on May 16th (a day before her own birthday!) and my friend Sony had her baby on June 30th (many days before her own birthday...haha). I still have yet to meet either of them, but they are both cute and we'll meet soon. I'm missing my friend Sarah's baby shower today (due October 13th...my stepdad's birthday!) and I'm sad about that. Lyndsey's little sister is officially engaged and getting married in August...in Vegas! And I guess Carrie Underwood is getting married today, too. (I only say that because people I went to church with actually grew up with her so I was kinda wondering if they are going to her wedding. Oh, and when my brother was born, Mom shared the room with Carrie Underwood's mom and Carrie...small world.) A friend from years ago is also getting married today. Joe and Miranda (Jon's brother and his wife) are in town so we are seeing them every few days and will tonight, too. My cousin Mallory's wedding is coming up soon in October. We're fast approaching my first year anniversary of Jon and I's wedding, my phone, and my job (Pretty handy to cover so many milestones at once. ;^P). Fourth of July came and went and the weather lately has been crazy weird. My dogs learned the difference between a 2 yr old toddler and everyone else they've ever come in contact with. I met my dad's new girlfriend and my brother's new(ish) girlfriend. I write letters to my nephew and niece when I get the chance (and when I get letters from them). I've tried and am okay with asparagus, beets, and some other "odd" vegetables that I never thought I'd like. My husband and I still tell each other that we love each other at least 20 times a day. I've made a new resolution at work and I'm trying to stick to it. I don't tend to sleep well at night. I tear up when I see a stray dog out in the country. I teared up yesterday after having to pass up corgies for sale. But then I felt better because I'd rather rescue a dog without a home than buy a puppy that was bred. That stupid Humane Animals Shelter commercial or whatever it's for always makes me change the channel and if I don't catch it in time, I tear up. My husband puts up with me watching Ghost Whisperer so he can watch Criminal Minds (which I put up with). My car now has over 100,000 miles on it, which makes me sad, but you can't tell by the way she runs. Yesterday, I found a caterpillar and my husband and I spent 10 minutes or more playing with it before releasing it back into the "wild".
These are the things that go through my mind and they things that have happened semi-recently. I don't know what else to say. There's a little glimpse into my life and my head.

-Mrs. Kreilaus

I'm boring.

Through a talk with my BFF at the other sto', I discovered that I am boring. And I'm okay with that. There is no need to talk to me every few days or even every few weeks sometimes because I always do the same things. I realized that I don't talk to my friends and family on the phone very often because I really don't feel like I have anything to say. I go to work Monday through Friday, come home, eat, take care of my dogs, maybe watch a little TV or play fake poker on my phone, then I go to bed. On Saturdays and Sundays I clean and relax. I don't think giving my dogs a bath is newsworthy. I REALLY don't think work drama is newsworthy unless you know the parties involved...and even THEN it sometimes isn't even newsworthy. Yes, I have the days where I think the house is on fire, and the days where a teacher has to be taken out by ambulance, and the days where I have to call the police because a disgruntled previous employee goes on a rampage, but those are FEW and FAR between. Those are newsworthy. And if they involve you, you will hear about them. I'm not 104 and don't know what a cell phone is. I just don't see where somebody would want me to call them and tell them that work sucked/was okay today and what I had for dinner. If I'm not married to you, chances are I don't want you to call me and tell me that, either. And I don't mean that to be rude, but I guess there's not really another way to say it. I'm going to tell myself that since I'm not directly saying that to someone, then it's not rude.

I feel badly about not updating this more often, but once again...I'm boring. I thought at least this time I would write a post explaining why I don't update very often. That and I never have comments so I never even know if anybody reads this stuff. I've heard about a few people reading it, but I guess it doesn't really even matter. It's kinda therapeutic for me to write my thoughts and feeling out. Well, at least the ones that are internet-appropriate. :^P Goodnight.

-Mrs. Kreilaus

Facebook, the Baby Bug, and general thoughts mixed in for good measure

In 2004, I joined a mostly unknown social website called "thefacebook.com." It was fun. You had to have a recognized college e-mail address to join and it was an elite college hangout. The more friends you had, the more fun it was. People could write on your wall, you could read their profiles, join groups at your college, and make events for your college as well. Fun stuff! Then, I don't remember what order, but Facebook added a photos application and made groups global! YAY! Also somewhere in there, non-college students were allowed to join. First, it was high schoolers. OH THE UPROAR. A lot of people said that they were going to jump ship after that one. And then "newsfeed" (AKA Stalkerfeed) was added. This one cost my membership...for a few months, anyway. And then there was the huge uproar about "New Facebook", people without ANY network could join, outside applications were added, and OF COURSE "thefacebook.com" dropped the "the". Big stuff. All of this to bring us to where we are today: People don't understand the basic premise of Facebook. The basic premise of Facebook is to keep in touch with all of these people that you normally would have no idea how they were doing and them keeping up with you. Once you friend someone, you never have to talk to them! It's not expected! All of us early pioneers understand this, but it seems the "new generation" doesn't quite get it. I recently noticed that I had been unfriended by 2 people that I was A) relatively close to in HS and B) connected to through a family member. What had I done? Did I update my status too much? There's a simple solution to that, remove me from your stalkerfeed. I have plenty of people removed from mine... Did I comment on your pictures too much? Simple solution to that, too, stop putting so many pictures up for the world to see. This "new generation" on Facebook really annoys me because they act like Facebook is where you talk to your best friends and your crushes. That's what real life is for, actually. Facebook is for keeping up with the girl that sat next to you in Zoology. Facebook is for seeing how your crush from 7th grade is doing. Facebook is for sending your close friends messages sometimes, but overall, Facebook is for acquantances. And don't tell me it's just for networking, either. If you've ever commented on a picture, written on someone's wall, or poked someone, that's not freaking networking. Oh, and if you have your privacy settings set so high on me that I can't even see the most recent picture you took of your cat, just unfriend me. That's ridiculous, too. Ending rant...

Moving on to bigger and better things... The baby bug. Most people get it, most people succumb to it. I've been pretty good at looking past the giggles and the coos to see the dirty diapers, the 3 hours of sleep every night, and the daily loads of laundry. (Shoutout to Sony and Rachel for letting me see the light early on! :^P) However, now nearly all of my close friends are "with child" and it's kinda making me want to join in and raise our kids together. This is a TERRIBLE idea right now, though, with Jon in school for another 3 semesters for Bachelor's and then probably another 4 semesters for Master's. All this to say that I'm kinda frustrated at somewhat wanting a kid right now, but I know it's a really bad idea. I was just going to put that in writing for everyone else to know.

And now I'm surfing the world wide web, so I will leave you, my dearly neglected blog. I'd say that I resolve to update more this year, but I don't do New Years Resolutions!

-Mrs. Kreilaus