First off, I am supposed to be doing chores, including an internet-based one, but I'm just not diggin' my chore list today. I killed it yesterday. But, in not doing my chores, I stopped in on Blogger to see what was shakin'. Not within my immediate friends, but the friends of one of my friends were all doing 9/11 posts. 10 years is quite a milestone. I can't believe it has been that long (It seriously only feels like 5 years ago). Most of the posts or news articles are focused around "Where were you?" due to the flashbulb memories it created. I don't know if I'm shallow or if maybe some other posts are exaggerated, but I don't remember a lot about that day in particular. All I truly remember is Mrs. Johnson bursting into class (2nd hr, I believe) and saying that the Pentagon is on fire. And then we all went into Mrs. Imhoff's room and watched a TV on a rolling cart about it. I don't remember if we stayed in there longer than 2nd hour. I don't remember if we all went home early. I don't remember if I cried. Heck, I don't even remember when I tuned into the news (I believe it was after all the planes had crashed, but I don't know how long after). I think I remember feeling numb. I had too many thoughts in my head to pull one down and think about it logically. I wanted to go home, go to bed, wake up tomorrow, and realize that none of it had happened. Also, if I am remembering correctly, I think I purposely avoided the news for the next few days. A few years earlier, there was a school shooting at my school system (although it happened at the middle school, and I was in high school at the time). I clearly remember arriving at school, going up to the band room and then learning that we were under lockdown with little other details. I remember leaving school early and I watched ALL of the news about it. I was obsessed and terrified. All of this was, of course, years after the OKC bombing, which I remember NOTHING about. I don't even remember what grade I was in.
I think it is good to stop and reflect on these events, but I think it is okay to move on, too. And please, don't jump down my throat about this. I just don't think it's healthy to focus on any of these horrid events for the rest of our lives. And I am mainly directing this at those who were not directly affected. If you lost your mom, your brother, or your wife - that's a different story. There is a whole different timeline for that kind of loss. But for those of us who lost our sense of security, had our dignity stripped from us, and crashed into a vast space of emptiness, despair, and helplessness - I think 10 years is enough to learn from that day. You will always have your memories (or lack thereof, like me...), and you'll probably never be able to remove the significance of the phrase "Nine Eleven" from your mind, but we need to move forward. The United States of America is not a bulletproof tank. Well, maybe it is, but bulletproof tanks don't function in quicksand, water, or without track on their wheels. That is precisely what 9/11 reminded everyone. I love the patriotism we all showed in its quake, but for the most part, I think that is gone, too, now. And you know what, I think that is normal and -dare I say- okay. People can't sit around the campfire holding hands every night and still make it to work by 8am the next morning to file accounting paperwork. You can't ask every person you see, "How are you?", then listen to their honest responses every day - you wouldn't have enough time left in your day to go turn wrenches at the dealership. Our lives, bodies, and souls are geared for normalcy. While we all feel very warm and fuzzy about honoring the victims, sometimes you have to wonder if it is too much.
I am not trying to turn this into a post about me, but I am the only person whose thoughts I possess (Go figure!). When I die, I don't think I want to be mourned every year. I don't want to be forgotten all together, but let your fond and/or mundane memories of me speckle your thoughts for as long as you can remember. Don't bemoan that I've missed another birthday - think about all the ones we had together. And please, PLEASE don't burn my death date into your memory - I think this is the worst thing a person could do after someone close dies. Who wants to dread the same time, day, and month every year? Let them be a new day every year. Maybe, just maybe, they can be a normal day. And most importantly, maybe you can not feel guilty about that. I won't be offended. ;^)
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