Please sllllllloowwww dowwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnn, brain

My mind is racing.  My body is having trouble keeping up.  I have so many thoughts, desires, ideas, feelings, etc. going on & I just hope to catch a few thoughts as they go by. 

I felt tired at about 4 today, so I laid down at 5 and jolted awake a few times thinking I was at work or other strange things like that.  Then, I got a call at 7 that really woke me up and here I am now at 9:30.

I am now thinking about all things house-related (of course).  Can we put our 300+ DVDs on the shelves by the fireplace?  Maybe we can put our trophies and awards on some of those shelves.  Where are we going to put the dogs' cages when we're gone for the day?  Even though I told mom to sell the ugly dinette set, should we use it again so we will at least have one?  Same thing with the couches?

I organized much of our stuff here today so we could grab it and go and, wow, do we have a lot of stuff.  I don't know how this process is going to work, to be honest.  I think we're gonna have to get a few boxes at a time and haul them in shoebox at a time. 

I realized the other day that I have moved 12 times already and this makes 13.  Granted, 8 of those were into/out of dorms, so it wasn't as big of a move.  I kind of like to move.  Well, pack.  I like to organize and find missing treasures (like I found the sewing kit today that I forgot I even had...).  I would have liked a slower move, but it almost seems like that doesn't exist.  It would be nice to go through things before they leave the old house so you're not moving junk.

I simply have lots of questions and no way to answer them as of yet.  But, they will answer themselves in due time.  Until then, I hope my brain doesn't explode.

House!

We decided to move forward with it and rent it for now.  The little house is growing on me and I'm sure it will continue to as we put our own touches on it.  It looks like we intend on moving in at the beginning of October.  You know, next weekend...*Gulp*  I'm excited, scared, nervous, doubting, and confident all at the same time.  Don't worry, you'll be hearing more from us about this.  Let's do it!

House?

Oh boy.  We have a big decision to make and need to make it fast.  We have the possibility to rent or own a particular house.  Click on pic for more pics:

Click me to see more!

3 bedroom, 2 bath, 2 living areas, dining room, breakfast nook, 2 car garage, fenced backyard, extra outdoor shed.  It is in a pretty good neighborhood and I think we can get a pretty good deal out of it.  So, what's the hold up - right?  Well, I don't love it.  I also don't seem able to possess the ability to look past what it is now and what we could make it.  I see "grandma's house." To which many reply, "It's just the period."  Well, maybe.  but what all has to change before it looks like OUR house?  I don't know.  I think the timing is making me scrutinize it because we need to get into it as soon as possible if we do decide on it.  I have all weekend that I could be cleaning it and next week begins a very strange time when Jon doesn't have to be at work until 2 or 2: 30 because he'll be at work until midnight.  Of course, I still work 10 - whenever because I don't have anybody that can switch with me (Co-worker started back to school).  My mind is racing and I made an official budget (which I had never done because we were making it alright).  I just want to make the right decision.  Mainly because the wrong decision would have severe consequences.  Help.  Me.

Another normal 9/11 post...sort of

First off, I am supposed to be doing chores, including an internet-based one, but I'm just not diggin' my chore list today.  I killed it yesterday.  But, in not doing my chores, I stopped in on Blogger to see what was shakin'.  Not within my immediate friends, but the friends of one of my friends were all doing 9/11 posts.  10 years is quite a milestone.  I can't believe it has been that long (It seriously only feels like 5 years ago).  Most of the posts or news articles are focused around "Where were you?" due to the flashbulb memories it created.  I don't know if I'm shallow or if maybe some other posts are exaggerated, but I don't remember a lot about that day in particular.  All I truly remember is Mrs. Johnson bursting into class (2nd hr, I believe) and saying that the Pentagon is on fire.  And then we all went into Mrs. Imhoff's room and watched a TV on a rolling cart about it.  I don't remember if we stayed in there longer than 2nd hour.  I don't remember if we all went home early.  I don't remember if I cried.  Heck, I don't even remember when I tuned into the news (I believe it was after all the planes had crashed, but I don't know how long after).  I think I remember feeling numb.  I had too many thoughts in my head to pull one down and think about it logically.  I wanted to go home, go to bed, wake up tomorrow, and realize that none of it had happened.  Also, if I am remembering correctly, I think I purposely avoided the news for the next few days.  A few years earlier, there was a school shooting at my school system (although it happened at the middle school, and I was in high school at the time).  I clearly remember arriving at school, going up to the band room and then learning that we were under lockdown with little other details.  I remember leaving school early and I watched ALL of the news about it.  I was obsessed and terrified.  All of this was, of course, years after the OKC bombing, which I remember NOTHING about.  I don't even remember what grade I was in.

I think it is good to stop and reflect on these events, but I think it is okay to move on, too.  And please, don't jump down my throat about this.  I just don't think it's healthy to focus on any of these horrid events for the rest of our lives.  And I am mainly directing this at those who were not directly affected.  If you lost your mom, your brother, or your wife - that's a different story.  There is a whole different timeline for that kind of loss.  But for those of us who lost our sense of security, had our dignity stripped from us, and crashed into a vast space of emptiness, despair, and helplessness - I think 10 years is enough to learn from that day.  You will always have your memories (or lack thereof, like me...), and you'll probably never be able to remove the significance of the phrase "Nine Eleven" from your mind, but we need to move forward.  The United States of America is not a bulletproof tank.  Well, maybe it is, but bulletproof tanks don't function in quicksand, water, or without track on their wheels.  That is precisely what 9/11 reminded everyone.  I love the patriotism we all showed in its quake, but for the most part, I think that is gone, too, now.  And you know what, I think that is normal and -dare I say- okay.  People can't sit around the campfire holding hands every night and still make it to work by 8am the next morning to file accounting paperwork.  You can't ask every person you see, "How are you?", then listen to their honest responses every day - you wouldn't have enough time left in your day to go turn wrenches at the dealership.  Our lives, bodies, and souls are geared for normalcy.  While we all feel very warm and fuzzy about honoring the victims, sometimes you have to wonder if it is too much. 

I am not trying to turn this into a post about me, but I am the only person whose thoughts I possess (Go figure!).  When I die, I don't think I want to be mourned every year.  I don't want to be forgotten all together, but let your fond and/or mundane memories of me speckle your thoughts for as long as you can remember.  Don't bemoan that I've missed another birthday - think about all the ones we had together.  And please, PLEASE don't burn my death date into your memory - I think this is the worst thing a person could do after someone close dies.  Who wants to dread the same time, day, and month every year?  Let them be a new day every year.  Maybe, just maybe, they can be a normal day.  And most importantly, maybe you can not feel guilty about that.  I won't be offended.  ;^)

SCREAM

I am fairly upset right now about a work incident that I DARE NOT type out on the world wide web.  This incident faintly involves me, yet I can't seem to get it out of my head.  I keep stewing on it.  I don't think there is any way that I would get in trouble for it - I didn't actually do anything wrong...  So why can't I get it out of my head?  Probably because I don't understand why it happened.  What is the logic behind it?  I hate this part of my personality and would love to change it.  However, I am afraid it is connected to my "I actually care" nerve and I don't know how to sever that.  Crap.  Maybe a good scream is in order.

There.  Much better.  I hope writing about this will help put it to rest.  There is nothing for me to do about it, so why waste my time and energy on it?  Let's see if my new life phrase can carry me through again...50 ME!  I'm going to bed...

The wait is over! Labor Day/Wedding Anniversary Weekend

I know you're all crazy anxious to hear about our exciting weekend! So, the wait is over!  It pales greatly in comparison to this time last year, but in a way, that's good.  Things I remember we did:

-8-10 loads of laundry
-2 trips to Wal-Mart
-2 dogs bathed at home
-MAJOR "COLD" FRONT CAME THROUGH!
-Saw Miranda & River (& others)
-Saw my old boss' new house...well, the outside and the killer pool..(see photo)

-Lunch at IHOP
-Lunch at Chili's
-Pizza for dinner
-Awesome german dish for dinner
-Slept with the windows open
-Good, long talk with my mom
-Jon had 2 days off in a row
-Cleaned some areas that hadn't been cleaned in probably 2 years...

That probably all sounds pretty boring to all of you, but it was quite wonderful for me...and my husband.  Yay!