A HEALTH Update?

I don't want to jinx anything, but I think I might be getting healthier by going into the Danger Zone (What?  You don't know what that is?  It's where I go every night when I put my flight mask on...AKA CPAP machine...).  It was a gradual change and there are still some nights when I want to rip the mask off and throw it against the wall, but I'm getting more energy.  And I'm keeping wild hours because of my husband's recent work schedule, so I don't think I'm getting MORE sleep, I think I'm getting BETTER sleep.  I have to sleep with the mask on for 4 hours each night (It knows if you are wearing it or just have it sitting on the bed).  Some nights I literally count down until I can take it off.  Other nights, I wear it all night.  The horrible, "rip-it-off" nights are getting fewer and further between.  Tuesday, I took the day off from work and I mowed our entire yard - front and back - after weeks of growth and I've never tackled both sections before.  Granted, I was beyond sore after that (reminded me of my factory days when standing for a shower after my shift was some sore of cruel punishment), but I did it (mowing and the showers).  And I edged around most of the front yard today, which only took about 20 minutes tops - another feather in my cap since it's something I'd never done.  Then the battery died and my company arrived.  I hope to finish tomorrow unless it rains. 

Also, I think my overall mood is better.  I mean, I'm probably not the best judge of that, but I don't feel so bat**** crazy anymore, which seemed to be happening more and more as I got older.  I feel normal.  I feel tired sometimes, but I'm not nodding off at work.  I feel sad at times, but not the deep dark abyss I've traveled to once or 5,000 times.  I feel happy, but not run outside and jog the block once or 5,000 times ecstatic.  My contract ended at my job and I'm not in freak out mode.  Know that I was always told that I had a spot waiting for me, so I never had to worry about not having a job, but that's still some pretty scary stuff.  I guess I'm just trudging through the emotional toll it is/will take on me.  I was in no way prepared to say goodbye to this small group that gave me a shot 8 months ago.  I hadn't realized that we were so close - that we were actually friends and enjoyed each other.  We lost one of our 7 to another company and time will tell how many more.  I'm just switching to another contract, but that means another building, another desk, different people.  Transitions.  But I'm game.  I'm trying my best to wrap up the contract we lost so I can move full speed ahead into my new contract.

I'm better?

The post I've been putting off for too long - tattoos

I wasn't sure how I wanted to go about this, but I have decided to share my designing phase with you.  Behold, I want 3 tattoos:

The logo for Kubota here on my left foot

Still mostly visible in heels

And then 2 acorns, one on the second toe on my left foot and the other close to my small toes on my right foot.

Not sure of exact positioning on toe.  Maybe closer to the nail.

Now, I know that I'm often a fountain of information in most of my posts, but I would rather keep their meanings rather hush hush at the moment.  Just know that, yes, they do hold special reasoning in my heart and honestly, one of them has an added bonus of being hilarious.  I had been wanting a tattoo for awhile, but I couldn't decide on what I wanted and then due to some serious down time at work, I had somewhat of an epiphany.  Anyway, just throwing that out there.  Just keeping you in touch with the life and times of Tabitha.

Unfortunately still an UNhealth update

After a frustrating visit to my CPAP supplier, I came home with a different mask and a different machine than I had used in the sleep study.  I have used it/them every single time I have gone to bed...be it for a nap or for the night...and I am still not used to the dern thing(s).  I must have been some kind of weirdo at the sleep study because they put the full face mask on me and I was out.  I slept for the full 3.5-4 hours until it was time for me to go.  With my mask and machine at home, I only just last night got a 3-4 hour stretch in.  Before that, I was only sleeping 2 hours at a time with the machine hooked up.  The machine freaks me out.  It's like it is breathing with me.  The one at the sleep study just blew the same pressure the whole time (I'm pretty sure, anyway...) and I think that jived better with me.  The machine is pretty good at mimicking me, but sometimes I take a long pause between breaths and it gets mad and starts vibrating and pulsing air.  Nothing like focusing on breathing to soothe you right to sleep...NOT.  I was told that it is supposed to be rather loose on your face so it doesn't hurt you and "some leaks are okay."  Hmm...this sounds like "a little poo in your brownie won't hurt you" to me, so I've really struggled with that concept.  At first I tried to go with the flow, but either last night or the night before I realized that the mask absolutely CANNOT be loose when it hits my pressure range because it's too strong.  The entire mask leaks and sometimes even makes a "balloon losing air" (polite description) noise.  After really torquing it to my face, I slept better.  It either rubs my nose or blows air in my eyes, so I'm currently choosing rubbing my nose.  It's a very annoying commitment, especially when I have yet to see/feel the results.  I'm still tired *literally just yawned* all the time.  I'm going to stick with it for at least a week longer.  Every night is getting better, although I still have those moments when I just want to throw the thing against the wall.  I could give some other details, but the main point is that it's not the overnight turn around I was expecting/hoping for, but I think it's getting better.  PS, just for some visuals here:

Current mask that isn't great just yet and may never be



Mask I tried at the sleep study that didn't hurt me, is 20% lighter, not as wide, and is currently unavailable to my CPAP supplier.

 

Even the headgear would be better for me as the top strap is just straight and doesn't try to fit around the crest of my head...a loose strap in my current headgear situation.



Unhealth Update

Since I last wrote, I have learned more.  I found out that during the first part of my sleep study (11pmish-2am) I stopped breathing more than 120 times per hour (I assume I was told correctly, although that seems crazy high) and I averaged not breathing for 18 seconds at a time, although once I didn't breathe for 59 seconds.  I had a thought so I crunched the math and confirmed my thought that I was NOT breathing more than I was breathing during that time (3600 seconds in an hour and I spent an average of 2160 not breathing...).  Is that even possible?  Doc also told me that "severe" sleep apnea is stopping breathing 30 or more times in an hour, so clearly my 120 meets that criterium.  My uncle had asked which kind of sleep apnea I had and was surprised to learn that I have both kinds - Central and Obstructive.  Not only is something physically blocking my airway (obstructive), but my brain is also not sending the right signals (central).  I'll have to research this some more and figure it out.  My doc ordered me in to get a CPAP machine ASAP  (CPAP-ASAP...ha), so I have an appointment tomorrow to pick one out.  After a long day of fighting with Indians yesterday, I also get to fork over some cash because I didn't play by their rules.  Just thought I'd throw that out there.  But I'm looking forward to getting the best night's sleep of my life tomorrow night.  Let's see if it can make up for the literal years I have missed.

My Unhealth Adventures

Thursday morning, I woke up, showered, and went to work.  Knowing I had a sleep study to attend that night (checking for sleep apnea), I read about how to prepare for it.  I was requested to shower "right before" coming in.  I got off work, showered, did a couple of other things, then headed out to my sleep study at 9 (had to report there by 9:30). 

I had been to the place before, and only saw about 2 or 3 beds.  To my surprise, I was instructed (by a very boisterous sign) to have a seat and wait for someone to come get me.  After being the last name called, I entered this Alice in Wondersleepland place and was put in about the 10th "bedroom" I saw.  I was hooked up with wires in my hair, on my face, in my nose, and even a couple on my legs that had to be fed through my shirt and shorts. 

We then tried out a couple of CPAP masks to pick the one that worked best for me, if I showed enough signs to need it by 2am.  Those things are terrifying at first, btw.  Totally took my breath away about the first 5 times.  And the ones that only cover your nose allow air to escape from your mouth when the machine is on, making it very hard to talk.  I had problems getting one single word out.  Very trippy. 

Anyway, she set those aside, shoved a set of tubes up my nose in addition to the wires already up there and then I'm left to relax and sleep. 




"Relaxed" and ready to sleep.




Excuse my fat, but I was pretty stoked that I decided to go ahead and shave my legs right before heading out!  They were checking for restless leg syndrome/night kicking.

 I'm a sleep roller.  If number of sleep turns were an Olympic maneuver, I'd get the gold for my quintuple lux, if we were to put a label on it.  I started on my back, rolled to my left side, attempted to go to stomach, but to no avail.  More sleep-inducing comfort.

Somehow, someway (Actually, just as I had predicted) I fell asleep.  I was additionally told that I fell asleep very quickly.  What a strange compliment, but I took it.  I woke up a couple of times to change positions or adjust my blanket coverage. 

At about 2am, my sleep technician (sandwoman?) came in the room and flipped the light on.  I asked if I met the criteria and was greeted with a nearly sadistic-sounding, "Oh yeah!"  We try on a nose-only CPAP mask.  I try for 5-10 minutes to fall asleep with it on, but it hurts my teeth.  It also took a few minutes to make sure it was set up correctly before I even tried to sleep...overall, it wasn't a good fit for me.  After air-speaking my technician's name 3 times (it sounded like half air/half talking and I couldn't speak any louder or more than one word), she came into my room and we swapped out for a full face mask (nose and mouth both covered).  After I got that bad boy on, I fell asleep rather quickly and don't think I woke up once.  In fact, the sleep technician said she came in the room at one point to adjust the mask and I didn't remember that at all!  Kinda freaked me out, really.  Someone was literally messing with my face and I didn't wake up.  *eeby jeebies*

I get booted at 6am (after detaching me and leaving glue/tape residue all over me) and head home.  I thought I would get a nap in before having to be at another dr appointment at 9am, but I wasn't able to.  And I had to shower for the 3rd time in 24 hours.

The 9am appointment is funny because I didn't even know what it was for before getting there.  And apparently still didn't know after reading what the doctor specialized in (I thought "endocrinology" meant something else...didn't figure out I was wrong until a few days later...thanks Mom...).  I don't think I made myself out to be too much of an idiot, but you never know, right?  Here, I learned that I am still in the running for having a syndrome that I thought another test ruled out.  We'll do a different kind of test to find out.  Awesome!  It was also here that Doctor played my favorite game "Let's look at you and say all the bad things we see!"  It turns out that I am a "big girl" (say that in an Indian <dot, not feather> accent) and I have bad acne.  How much did I pay you again?  Anyway, now I'm supposed to tell her how I'm going to lose weight.  Like, the exact plan.  Lady, if I were that exact of a planner, don't you think I wouldn't have gotten this big?  I said generic stuff and left feeling pretty down on myself.

The next day (Saturday) I decide to mow the backyard at like 1pm because I'm a moron.  Didn't realize we were scheduled for 100+ temperatures that day.  Actually, I think I didn't look because I knew it just had to be done.  The dogs were starting to have a hard time walking around.  My cell phone rings at about 1:15 and it's an idiot and wouldn't let me answer it.  This isn't the first time, nor I assume the last time that it teases me with phone calls.  I can see who is calling, but it won't let me use the touchscreen to answer it.  And the screen is the only way to answer.  I listen to the voicemail and it's the sleep study doc.  He leaves the office number to call back, but he had called on a different number.  I try to call both back, but to no avail.

On Tuesday (today), I am in the shower at 7:30am and my phone rings.  Obviously couldn't answer it.  A few minutes later, I hear my husband up.  Apparently, doc couldn't reach me so he called my husband...at 7:45am.  The morning after a holiday weekend.  By the way, I was planning on calling after I got to work...at 8:30am.  He tells my husband to have me call him after 1pm today.  At 10am, my work phone rings and flashes the number I know all-too-well at this point.  I pick it up and am greeted by a different doctor.  He somewhat fumbles around, mentioned that he "wanted to tell me the news by phone" and finally got to the point:  I have severe sleep apnea.  I stopped breathing over 120 times per hour.  The good news was that the CPAP mask returned my sleep to "normal," not just decreased my symptoms.  My doctor from Friday 9am had told me that weight loss gets rid of sleep apnea, so I asked this doctor if that was true.  He said not for my severity of sleep apnea.  The CPAP mask people will be contacting me soon.  I will need a machine to sleep presumably for the rest of my life.

I have so many conflicting thoughts over this.  I am relieved to have finally found something unusual about me.  A possible source of my constant tiredness.  A possible solution to what I was convinced was laziness, yet couldn't shake it.  That makes me excited to try it.  On the other hand, I detest the idea of requiring a machine in order to sleep.  Literally burst into tears when I think about it.  My husband is very very VERY supportive about all of this, but I can't help but feel like less of a woman for having to wear a Darth Vader-like mask to bed.  I've thought about how terrifying it would be to be falling to Sandmanland and in blinking one last time seeing this plastic monster next to you...and it's your wife.  But as I've been told, it's got to beat my snoring.  And this is Jon's view on it:  he just wants me to feel better.  I know it will help, and I know I will do it, but I just want to get it in the rearview mirror of life.  Yes, I will wear a mask to sleep and yes, I will sleep fantastic.  Let's just get this over with.